graveyard

The way you carry yourself speaks volumes to who you are and where you're at in life.  When I was younger, I remember walking around school with my head down.  I would always look at the ground and never really make eye contact with anyone.  There was a sense of heaviness that I carried in my soul.  I was depressed and  filled with anxiety and it felt like I was walking around aimlessly not having any sort of direction.  I was lost.  My mind and my soul were absent from my body. I was just an existence to this world.  Keeping to myself most of the time, I was seen but not known. My heart was leaping  to be known but I was afraid of people. I was afraid of vulnerability and more than that,  I didn't know how to communicate my feelings to another person.  I lacked deep friendships and felt like I was the only one that existed in my most of my  upbringing. Being lonely is the epitome of being in a dark room with no escape.  I lived in that mindset for most of my life.  I was stuck in the graveyard trying to get myself out of the coffin.  I actually had dreams about being stuck in a coffin and not being able to get out.  I was stuck in the darkest hole of my life.  Until.  Jesus.  There was a period of time where I was seeking God before I actually knew him.  I had hit a place in my life where I wanted to die because I didn't understand why  I was still on earth. So I bought a bible and randomly read the beginning of Genesis.  I read about how God created the moon and the stars and he created man.  Therefore, he created me. I didn't believe that back then but God kept working.  I encountered the presence of God when I was 19.  I remember sitting and feeling like everyone knew the God they were worshipping.  I had never been any kind of worship setting like that before. I was caught of guard  by the overwhelming sense of his presence. He whispered,  " Meagan, I know you and I love you."  In an instant, I felt a tangible touch of God.   It felt like electricity coming up my arms. It was comforting and warm.  I felt a sense of a presence bigger and sweeter than anything that I have ever known.  It was so real to me and I was instantly captivated.   I was well aware of the fact that I was a sinner and he showed me his love  through Christ who died for me. (Romans 5:8)  Over the next few months, my life drastically changed.  He saved me.  God rewired my mind in a supernatural way.  I was so in love and all I wanted was more of His presence.  He gave me purpose.  He was pursuing me but more than that, He has always pursued me. He restored my identity and gave me purpose beyond anything that I could ever imagine.  Even in my darkest hour, he never stopped chasing after me. He never left. (Hebrews 13:5)  And over the years of seeing his hand upon my life,  I am convinced that He can pick anyone up from their sin,  their baggage and their darkness and bring them into the light.